Results of SLIRB Events
Pleasant Valley (8/16/2009)
The second bowl of the weekend found five SLIRBers out on Pleasant Valley surrounded by beautiful scenery, freshly planted Christmas trees, and poison ivy (oops). With three Johnas brothers present and PainTrain taking another day off to recuperate from his near championship run at the North American finals, it was obvious that one of the kids was going to have a big day.
Radar Johnas seemed a bit off after his initial Cork style shot went awry and Cool Hand Johnas, while straight and steady, couldn’t quite summon up the power to compete with the visiting Johnas brother, Adonis Johnas. It was to his credit that old Buzzer stayed even with Adonis through the first half of the course, his long downhill hurl setting him up at 10 on the big curve. Adonis powered through the back half, including the long series of uphills, in an amazing 8 to finish at 18, establishing a new course record. Buzzer limped in with 20, Radar at 22, Cool Hand at 25, and Thor finished the day at 27.
Niles Road Debut (8/15/2009)
So few cars, tremendous views.
Two more bowls we would lose.
Bumpy road, hard for all.
Last quarter mile, like a wall.
Too much heat, too much sun -
despite it all, Buzzer won.
Pleasant Valley Score on Lughnasadh Weekend (8/2/2009)
To Valley of Pleasant once again,
Six Bowlers of Cambridge and Bennington,
And from a southern state,
Three others - though late,
Cuz, said one, "I must have slept in!"
Down two bowl of odds or even more,
Lay most after having bowled but four,
As Paintrain was hot -
Took off like a shot!
Alas, Contador's first bowl left him sore.
Lugh, Rooster, Buzzer, and Groove too,
Had visions of Jeff's arm turning to poo.
Tis a wee bit crass,
But t'was only his ass,
With which they had kept a clear view.
In the end another easy win,
For Jeff, aka Paintrain, agin.
His rivals for the score,
Showed esprit de corps.
(secretly though, I'd kick him in the shin!)
The Corkmen from Mass were rightly impressed,
as over beers they later confessed:
"Not just Jeff's long ball,
But SLIRBers in all,
Could compete with New England's very best."
From the scribe that writes this here limerick,
A duty, and yes, an onerous schtick,
No more second place,
It's really a disgrace,
And the verse?... of that I am quite sick.
Cars, Cows, and El Contador (7/26/2009)
A new road was chosen for Sunday’s bowl. Perry Road of White Creek appeared to all as a prime candidate for excitement. The fresh blacktop was clearly calling, and seven bowlers answered. Gathering at Powers Market for coffee and grub were Groove, Buzzer, Rooster, Paintrain, Big Box, and two newcomers, Howard and Foster.
Once at the course bowlers quickly realized the speed of the road, as well as its traffic volume. Between vehicular interruptions the SLIRBers would heave their bowls towards victory. Competition was tight. Though all of the bowlers missed the calf-yard located midway through the course, few missed the putrid ditch that acted as a black hole for our bowls. The ditch consumed three bowls in all, only found later through the aid of a metal detector (thanks to Rooster).
The course finished with a long uphill. At this point El Contador (formerly known as Foster) took control. Heaving lofts twice those of any competitor, he ably charged to the front. When all of the bowlers had crossed the finish line El Contador had won by a bowl, securing an impressive victory in his first ever outing.
A Criminal Day on Ash Grove (7/19/2009)
Cambridge was the location for the latest chapter of SLIRB competition. Gathered were Groove, Buzzer, D2, Rooster, Lugh of the Long Arm, Cool Hand, Paintrain, Buck, and the first-timer Fingers. Bowlers arrived at 10:00 am and efforts to procure pastries were thwarted by a long line, forcing the famished Buzzer to tears. Ash Grove was chosen and all ventured to the starting line for the days bowl. Right out of the gate Groove was on his game, quickly finding himself two bowls up on the flabbergasted competition. Soon speeding police cars interrupted the friendly bowl, searching for a black Volkswagen. Once bowlers pointed the police in the direction of Big Box’s house play resumed. As bowlers passed the halfway point Groove was still astounding all with herculean bowls, but then he started to falter. Those closest, Rooster and Paintrain, pushed to catch the suddenly slumping Groove. By the end of the course Paintrain had come back to within twenty feet. With one final release a bad bounce sealed the victory for Groove, whose final bowl beautifully hugged the centerline and secured glory. The win was a popular one, as the founding member of SLIRB ended an uncharacteristic victory drought.
Radar Locates Sign, Loses Score (7/12/2009)
SLRIB unveiled its new “Caution – Road Bowling” road sign today; little did anyone expect that it would play a key role in the outcome of the day’s event. Ten bowlers ventured out to Pleasant Valley Road, under perfect bowling skies, and decided to have a go at the course from south to north. Thus did Rooster deploy his recently fabricated plywood sign at the finish line and proceed to the start a mile distant.
Predictably, power bowlers Paintrain, Radar, and Lugh of the Long Arm traded monstrous hurls up the first straightaway, around the first bend, and down the long gradual slope to the 90 degree turn and the base of the course’s biggest hill. Lying just short of the bend, Lugh decided to loft the corner, and with a mighty swing of his arm, fired his bowl toward the heavens – too far toward the heavens as it turns out and not far enough toward the road on the other side of the bend, said bowl landing in the middle of a Christmas tree plantation. All ten bowlers were soon on site searching for the bowl, which could not be found until a post-score search with the metal detector unearthed the orb fully buried beneath the soil. Thus dropping a bowl of odds to Radar and Paintrain, Lugh faded from contention just as Rooster, with his unerring lines, began a run toward the leaders.
As Paintrain, Radar, and Rooster battled up the hill, with Lugh, Buzzer, and the visiting Johnas Brothers (Radar’s brothers – and they really should form a singing group) gamely hurling from behind, the lead changed hands once, twice, three times, until Paintrain and Radar were each lying 19, positioned just 100 yards from the finish line. A strong shot from Paintrain had the fan (thanks for coming, Jill) in awe as it streaked across the line. Then came Radar to the line, the run, the throw, the bowl careening down the road toward the………. road bowling sign. The sign collapsed, but not before stopping Radar’s bowl short of the line and giving Paintrain another taste of glory. At least Radar outdistanced the sign’s creator to finish second, a fair reward for enduring the jeers of his fellow bowlers for failing to avoid a known hazard.
Bowling practice was scheduled for the new SLIRB practice facility on the bowling pitch behind Buzzer’s house. Details to follow.
A Pleasant Valley Score (7/5/2009)
To Bennington the SLIRBers did show,
High upon the town's western plateau;
Road of Pleasant Valley (not a dark, dank alley!)
Where real bowlers bowl, don't you know?!
The good folk that heeded the call:
D2, Radar, Big Box, Wrecking Ball,
Buzzer and Rooster, Jill - a SLIRB booster,
And Nick, the tyro kitter paw.
Sir Rooster lead out of the gate,
Attempting to seal the day's fate.
Then came a downhill, halfway to Brazil,
And Big Box was in front by bowl eight.
Then two farmers came out for some cheer,
To watch many a tossed iron sphere.
They warned an abyss, we wanted to miss,
And shook heads as they thought it all queer.
After Big Box round the broad bend,
Approaching his bowl number ten,
He bitterly learned: win yet to be earned,
And gravity a foe, not a friend.
Ascending youth came on with great rage,
As his power and aim were on stage;
Radar bounded uphill, leaving spines in a chill,
With no respect for those twice his age.
Rooster, Big Box and Buzzer too,
With fleeting sights on you-know-who,
And potential untapped! (yet, they all should have napped...)
As Radar left dust and bade adieu.
Radar threw strong spite many fine jeers,
Dashing dreams of his elderly peers,
Nineteen at the end, a course record, and then,
Not only bowl count, but his few years.
Hoosic Valley Massacre (6/27/2009)
SLIRB ventured southwestward to Indian Massacre Road, lured by the beautiful rural scenery along the Hoosic River, but mostly by the name of the road. As it turns out, the road makes an entertaining bowling venue, with good pavement, challenging curves, one substantial hill, and a complete discarded living room set marking the finish line.
Rooster was out front early with some well-aimed bowls along the initial straightaway, Buzzer passed him on the uphill curve, but Big Box came from way back with a monster bowl through the final curve to win the day with a solid 20 on the 1.0+ mile course. Buzzer backed into third place (22), finishing with a couple of weak bowls, while newcomer Radar Johnas showed great promise with a several powerful late shots to take second on distance.
Close Competition on Irish Lane (6/14/2009)
Clearly agitated at the adulation lavished upon upstart Lugh after his crushing come from behind victory in Pleasant Valley, Paintrain ratcheted it up a notch on the storied Irish Lane course. Despite some well-aimed shots by Buzzer, Cool Hand, and visiting bowler Calvin of Skaneateles, by the time the bowls had reached the height of land ¼ mile from the finish line, it was a battle between the young and powerful Paintrain, the godlike Lugh, and wily veteran Groove. Clearly, being a wily veteran is no match for being young, strong, and/or godlike, and Groove quickly faded from the picture. A strong 22nd bowl from Paintrain landed his bowl about 20 meters beyond the line but Lugh, seemingly positioned for the win, failed to keep his powerful shot in the center of the road, striking the soft shoulder and running out of steam a meter short of Paintrain's golden bowl. Spectators should plan to arrive early for future bowls as this developing rivalry is sure to begin to draw huge crowds to the roadsides.
Lugh Inspires Awe on Pleasant Valley (6/7/2009)
Two-man SLIRB teams competed in an out-and-back doubleheader under sunny skies on Bennington's Pleasant Valley Road. The duo of D2 and Paintrain had it going their way on the first leg, as D2's uncommon accuracy along crests and around corners, combined with Paintrain's brute strength, outdistanced the pairing of Groove and Lugh of the Long Arm – a win by distance on bowl number 21. The rematch on the predominantly uphill return leg saw these two teams of titans trading strong bowls through the first half of the course, although at the mid-way point D2/PT held a sizable lead and apparently were headed toward a glorious sweep. It was then that Lugh called upon his divine Celtic forbears to give him supernatural strength: his next uphill hurl crested a rise, rode up an incline for another 50 yards, and had enough power to climb half way up yet another hill. Groove's next shot nearly topped the hill, setting Lugh up for what, all agree, is the single longest shot ever witnessed in the greater State Line Irish Road Bowling region. Only a strong bowl-chasing sprint by Rooster enabled the bowl to be found, lying at the base of the hill just below the finish line. Remarkably, Paintrain was able to get his bowl into the same area code as Lugh's, and the two teams once again had to bowl for distance, which Lugh easily long-armed to victory in a scintillating uphill 20.
Ashgrove Score in Limericks (5/30/2009)
Five bowlers from near the stateline,
Met thirty some minutes past nine,
Ashgrove Road was the course,
Where they showed their great force,
After pastries upon which they had dined.
At five bowls so close were all we,
Having missed all rock, river and tree,
Paintrain then lead game,
With impeccable aim,
And shot at a dresser marked free.
Groove no longer willing to stall,
Determined to give it his all,
But thought he so much,
He lost his fine touch,
To the shoulder he lofted his ball.
Crown splitting D2 could sure boast,
From many bowls he got the most,
Alas king for day,
Did not come his way,
As right and short he slayed a mail post.
Second place was in Buzzer's keen eyes,
The occasion to which he might rise,
But at twenty-one,
His pride was outdone,
With Rooster's exceeding his size.
Now you know the entire scores cast,
Saving name of the winner for last,
Fond of AMC,
A Pacer that be,
Twas Paintrain, a.k.a. Jeff Mast.
Shocking Bowl in Hoosick (5/26/2009)
Several SLIRBers, not content with a single weekend bowl, headed out to try out a new road in East Hoosick Tuesday night. Beginning on Burgess Road, high in the hills with spectacular views over the state line area, the course bowls eastward around a couple of sharp bends to finish on Beechwood Road. Although the road surface was rather rough, the net downhill grade and forgiving roadside embankments led to some very good bowls. Paintrain held the lead from the first bowl to the last, with Chicken Scott and Buzzer trying to make up ground. The bowl nearly ended early when Paintrain’s bowl skittered under a barbed wire fence and into a cow pasture – nearly ended because first Paintrain and then Chicken Scott discovered in the most painful way possible that the barbed wire fence was electrified. The shocks were not as debilitating as the convulsive laughter suffered by the other bowlers. When everyone was more or less recovered, the bowling continued with Paintrain cruising to a comfortable win in 17, one full bowl ahead of Buzzer. With no chance of winning, Buzzer took a gamble and lofted the turn from Burgess onto Beechwood and, managing to clear two electric fences and 100 feet of cow pasture, landed his bowl safely on the road, assuring himself of another second place finish.
Rookie Bowler Nearly Wins at Pleasant Valley (5/24/2009)
Sean Dunleavy, previously known primarily for his ability to produce exceptionally good Mexican food while pouring equally good beer at his Rattlesnake Café, made an auspicious SLIRB debut last Sunday on Bennington’s Pleasant Valley Road. Dunleavy equaled the course record of 20 with his boldly lofted hurls, outdistancing Big Box Monks for second place on the day. Paintrain, on an early season tear, set the course record this day, finishing with a solid 19 before returning home to continue his efforts at restoring his beloved AMC Pacer – which will make a great SLIRBmobile if it ever actually runs again.
At Least We Didn’t Lose any Bowls (5/17/2009)
SLIRBers headed out to Irish Lane sans doughnuts Sunday morning thanks to an excessively long wait at the cart. It was not the lack of adequate pre-score food that led to the high scores this day, however, but the rain-softened surface of the last ¼ mile of the Lane. After trading the lead with Buzzer from the top of the first hill to the top of the second hill, Groove certainly hit the groove and put nearly a full bowl between himself and the competition with a titanic 18th bowl, heading down and onto the unpaved portion of the course. There was no way for anyone to catch Groove from that point as the soft road conditions all but eliminated the rolling option. It took many hearty lofts to cross the line, where Groove easily outdistanced Buzzer on distance on their 25th bowls. Paintrain, a strong lofter, managed to close to within one and finished in 26, while D-sq, still hurting from hoisting 300 pound rocks onto a wall, managed a 27.
Some mention must be made here of last week’s near record-breaking performance on Juniper Swamp Road, where Buzzer pieced together a score of unsurpassed quality and consistency to find himself sitting 16 with two (okay, maybe three, but an easy three!) to the finish. With a first-ever SLIRB sub-20 in his grasp, Buzzer could think only of the glory (and beer) waiting for him at the end of the day, when a clap of thunder and a torrential downpour (and a little hail) caused his fellow bowlers to grab their balls and run. Buzzer was willing to risk electrocution and being pummeled by hail, but, alas, Groove grabbed Buzzer’s ball as well and there ended the score, and Buzzer’s chance at the SLIRB record book.
First Bowls of Spring (4/19/2009)
Three hearty SLIRBERS headed out to Pleasant Valley early one Sunday morning in March to launch the season’s first bowls. With fresh snow on the mountains, ice on the ponds, and only three bowlers to chase down wayward balls, the course was shortened to about 2/3 mile. All three bowlers were strong and steady on the long opening straightaway, with young lass Kerry O’Sullivan finding some superb lines through the rough pavement. It appeared that her dad, Buzzer, would win the day after discovering a remarkably effective route down the course’s monstrous hill, but Paintrain observed closely and matched the feat. One errant bowl by Buzzer that drilled a guard rail and dropped three feet below the surface of an icy stream and Paintrain had only to stay straight and true to win the day. In truth, all three emerged winners compared to the lazy shiftless SLIRBERS who spent the morning eating their doughnuts in bed.
Buzzer Frosts Competition (11/2/2008)
Stalwart SLIRBers set their sights on a fantastic fall finale on fabled Irish Lane. A hard freeze frosted the fearless four, but Groove provided welcome relief with a full rack of well-worn wood-hearth warmed balls. With warm balls firmly in hand, Groove, DD, Paintrain, and Buzzer felt lucky to launch long bullet after long bullet over the Lane’s torrid twists and turns.
Paintrain pummeled the pavement early, sending too many bowls skittering sideways to a sad stop. Buzzer brazenly broke into the lead after lofting a lethal lob on a dramatic downhill. From that point on, mere maintenance bowls were all that Buzzer needed as Groove, DD, and Paintrain furtively flailed, failing to unfurl any ferocious bowls.
A late attempt to deviously deny destiny and deprive Buzzer of a noble ninth win for the year fell flat as bowls bounced blithely into crystal clear cold creeks were readily retrieved without freezing fingers. Buzzer’s 21 won the day with his capable companions crossing the butt but a couple bowls back.
SLIRB athletes will now begin their rigorous off-season training program in anticipation of next year’s competition (and doughnuts). Things to look forward to include the first sub-20 bowl, the re-emergence of the great young bowler known as FA (who mysteriously disappeared early in the year, being seen only occasionally since with hammer or microphone in hand), continued development of the SLIRB junior division, new roads to bowl, fresh bowls, and visits by bowlers from distant lands. Faugh a Ballach!
Ash Grove Score in Verse (10/19/2008)
The day was fine, along the line
The men in groups did stand,
Young Buzzer he came forward
With the spirit of a man,
His aspects they were charming
And good sprits bloomed within;
Says he, ‘My boys, throw down your bets,
For the laurels I will win.’
At Black Hole Hollow the butt was made
For to commence the play,
When Buzzer he stripped off his coat,
His heart was light and gay,
The bullet it came down the road
Like the roar of a cannon ball,
And the cheers and the cries did rend the skies
From the bogmen one and all
Twenty one hurls did take the day
The crowns and swales did yield.
A boy and girl did join the men,
To integrate the field.
DD and Pain Train gave their all
Likewise did limping Groove.
But Buzzer’s steady bearing
A Triumph it did prove.
With acknowledgements to Thomas “Bubbly” Mallon of Tullygaron
Irish Lane (10/12/2008)
Weather: mid 60s, sunny, no noticeable breeze. Fall colors at peak.
JG stormed out of the gates with the longest 1st bowl ever on Irish lane, managing to avoid the usual drift onto the fairway at the right. DD bowled the same line, with just a bit less power, to keep JG within reach. DY started off a bit roughly, heading into the weeds well back. First-time bowler IY (Young the Younger), age 8, showed fine form and great potential from the first bowl. Buzzer was his usual strong self.
By the third bowl Buzzer began to find the loft he was seeking, and moved up into 2nd behind JGs strong and true second bowl, with both now nearly cresting the first hill- a better pace than usual. DY began to fight back with power up the hill, but still struggled with control. DD stayed with the pack with a lucky bounce on a mediocre effort. Young the Younger began to experiment with a double-windmill delivery, which looked impressive, and began to put together the run-up and the throw.
At six bowls, JG and Buzzer were almost even, DD a half-bowl back, and DY down two.
By eight bowls, approaching the first tight curve, Buzzer had opened his lead to ten yards, JG flagged a bit and fell back even with DD, and Young the Elder began to overcome his control issues, raging forward with two beauties that would put him almost through the curve at nine. But that would not catch Buzzer, whose perfect loft and line put him well through the curve and leading by at least a full bowl. All lost focus and managed only maintenance bowls through the next few, Buzzer with too much loft, DD misplaying the crown, JG and DY just keeping pace.
At the tenth bowl, JG distracted Buzzer with some trash talk, and Buzzer's poor line was helpless against a strong crown. JG chose and executed just the right line, but a bad bounce held him to a half-bowl gain on Buzzer. The pack traded maintenance bowls through the next three, to the start of the steep uphill. Here DY's great power and equally great grunts pulled him back with the pack, with the help of just average bowls from the others. IY's form continued to evolve and improve.
By the top of the big hill, DY moved past DD, who began his weekly collapse, and got within a half bowl of JG and Buzzer, when JG took control of the score with the strongest, truest, and luckiest bowl of the day, covering a third of the distance to the end in one bowl. It was JG's score to lose, and he could be a bit conservative, still keeping an eye on valiant attempts to catch him, notably a beauty from Buzzer on 17 and monsters from DY on 18 and Buzzer on 21. Too little, too late; JG just focused on keeping it on the road, and he would coast to victory by one foot on a finishing bowl for distance that decided SLIRB's closest contest, and Buzzer's toughest defeat, to date.
Return to Juniper Swamp (10/5/2008)
Four bowled. Buzzer choked. Groove won. I wrote.
Just Another Sunday Bowl (9/21/2008)
The string of high pressure mornings with their accompanying cool temperatures and copious sunshine continued on Sunday warming the bodies and souls of four bowlers assembled on Irish Lane. The gnats too enjoyed the weather as they buzzed happily around the heads, in the eyes and occasionally down the throats of the bowlers. The newly mown swales, generously returned errant bowls after unusually short hunts.
The competition was friendly, no one asserting competitive zeal. The lead was exchanged among Big Box, Buzzer and Groove. As has so often been the case, a single errant throw changed the course of the day’s score. Had the vertical vector of Groove’s 15th bowl been smaller or the horizontal commensurately larger, Buzzer might have been deprived of his repeat win. As it was, the three course veterans finished within two bowls of the lead while the sole newcomer, Peter "Trigger" Hetko – known by the shortened nick name "Trig", appears to need a couple more weeks on the road before he will compete for the lead. No course records were set, no extraordinary moments were recorded. It was just another Sunday Bowl.
A Happy Ending for Buzzer (9/1/2008)
The day dawned clear and cool. Pastries and coffee were de rigueur. The course - Irish Lane (43.02556, -73.415078), due west of Cambridge - tried and true. A more perfect day for long bowls could not be dreamt. The only thing which stifled the ideal conditions was the pesky little black gnats, as profuse as bystanders at a Bol Chumann na hEireann championship. Some usual suspects were on hand, Jeffrey 'Groove' Goldstone, Jim 'Buzzer' Sullivan, Dan 'Big Box' Monks and Dan 'D2' Douglas. Along for the jaunt also were a few infrequents, Luke and Kerry O’Buzzer, Benji White and yours truly, D. R. Young. I had not made an outing since the inaugural season, b |
